Tattling vs telling

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Home : 2004 : November : 17

Tattling vs telling
By Lou Anne

I think there is a big difference between "tattling" and "telling." "Telling" to me is letting me know that someone is breaking the rules or getting hurt. "Tattling" is wanting to get someone in trouble.
I believe
we need to hear from students when things are going wrong. Not telling is how bullies get their strength. I teach my children that if someone says, "Don't tell," that is a clue that they should tell.
However, I teach them to be proactive first. When a child comes to me with a tale, I always ask, "And what did you tell them?" They are usually confused, thinking I mean, "What

did you do first?" and they answer, "Nothing." I explain that they need to respond to the other child such as, "That hurt my feelings" or "You hit me and that hurt" or "That's against the school rules; you need to stop."
Sometimes a child thinks they are hit, but another child merely fell into them or was pushed. Making an "I message" gives the "offender" a chance to apologize and/or explain what happened. Then all is well. If, however, the offender says something like, "Good. I meant to" or calls them another name, that is when they can come to me. They will explain what happened, what they said, and what the offender said.
This must occur during "their time" (recess), not class time. Requiring the dialogue usually stops the tattling and often solves the problem before it becomes a problem. Sometimes a child wants to brag about how well it went. Children do want to be heard.