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Home : 2004 : Aug : 31

    my thoughts now
    By Samantha

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    I can see both sides of the fence on this issue.

    I had three kids two years apart 20 yrs ago and had no other plan than to stay at home with them. In fact I wanted to train them so badly that I home-schooled them. It really was a wonderful, stretching and growing time. I'm so glad that I did it and so are they. They are well rounded and productive. When the youngest was ten, things were going so well that we decided to have two more. My mother-in-law was nervous about the whole idea, but we would not be moved and we had two more....It's been six years now so I have a six and four year old and I have so often wondered 'now what was I thinking?'...As I go through the same phases I find bordom and lack of desire to be here. Yet it is not fair to them for me to sink into this lack luster attitude that I struggle to stay out of.
    It feels too difficult to go to school and get a degree with three high school and college age kids and two little ones at home. To go get a job is not worth the low pay vs. keeping order and peace in my home. So often I think of what it would be like had I not had the bright idea to have more children. (although beautiful) I feel like my selfishness is revealed and that I was always selfish. It just was that before, I wanted to do children. Now I think of how I could be spending quality time with my older ones and helping them more fully but I can't because I have to manage and give to my little ones. So instead of re entering the workforce, It will be 10 more years before I feel free to get a degree which I HIGHLY recommend to anyone before you start a family. Once you get into the family mode it is really hard to do anything else. Because if you have it, it will take only a small amount of time to re-enter the work force.

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