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Home : 2004 : Jan : 24

    By Cathy-Dee

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    You don't say what type of financial position your fiancee's parents have. Perhaps your fiancee isn't even completely aware of their finances and this is part of the problem.

    They may also not believe in spending a lot of money on a wedding. While you say you are in a "moderate" budget - from what you've described it sounds a bit higher than moderate to me. I've attended a number of weddings and the parents chose their own clothing and the fathers were not wearing tuxes that were rented. So his parents may not be seeing the wedding in the same light that you are.

    It is perfectly fine if this is the type of wedding you want. But if you want the "nicer" things then you may need to be prepared to pay for them yourselves.

    There is nothing you can do to make his parents pay for something they do not wish to. Have they given you a reason they do not want to pay for the rehearsal dinner itself? Again they may feel the cost of traveling, staying in the hotel, etc., is simply too much for their budget. I've known a few people who pay for things like the hotel rooms for the parents, etc., and perhaps the groom's parents feel this should be the case.

    They may also be feeling left out - since they live far enough away to have to fly in for the wedding I'm assuming they haven't had much say. Have they discussed things with you and your fiancee? If they haven't been involved maybe it's time to ask them their opinion on a few things and make some minor changes that would reflect their opinions. While it's great your mom volunteered to find the rehearsal dinner location - perhaps his parents really wanted to do this and are feeling put out because your family are doing everything and it may seem that you just want your fiancee's parents money. I'm sure that's not the case, but sometimes weddings bring out both the best and worst in us especially with the finances.

    If you are set on having a rehearsal dinner - go for the picnic style as it isn't expensive - even with about 25 people (which is a fairly large party) you'd only be looking at about $100.00 which isn't too bad.

    Remember although your wedding day is very important and should be special - it is only one day. You have a life-time after your wedding and it will be important to have both your family and his family a part of it. Making small concessions now may mean better relations in the future. Do the things that really mean something to you and let the other things slip to the side. So perhaps forgo the dad's tux rental and keep talking about the rehearsal dinner. If they see that you are trying to help them budget wise and that you want their input, they may be more willing to help out with the wedding in the end.

    Oh yes, are there other hotels in the area with cheaper rate (perhaps not as fancy or older hotels that are still nice) OR can his parents stay with someone in your family (again a minor thing but may smooth the path even more).

    Have fun with the rest of your planning and have a wonderful wedding!

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