Drove me nuts at 16, 17, 18.....

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Home : 2003 : October : 19

Drove me nuts at 16, 17, 18.....
By Chris

I have tried to raise my daughter to be her own person, to speak her mind and stand her ground. I didn't know what a monster I would create! We have had our battles and arguments (and I have learned to pick my battles)
but I always try to be there when something is wrong (or very, very right!), even at 1, 2 or 3 am, resulting in going to work with red eyes and dark circles more than once. I even had the principal stop by to ask me if there was anything they could do to help me, my sleepless nights for awhile were that obvious. When I told him "find a new boyfriend for my daughter" he was taken back a

bit (he was young enough to be my son & still childless).
They usually do grow out of it, but it takes time. I remember fights & arguments with my folks, and now I sound more like them every time I open my mouth!
My advice: keep setting practical rules and expectations; allow her to earn more freedom as time goes by & have a consequence for breaking rules. If my daughter was late coming home for her curfew, the next time out she was expected home that much earlier (30 mins late meant being home 30 min earlier than usual)and if she missed the new time, then it was double those missed minutes for the next date. I told her boyfriend to his face that I was holding him responsible for getting her home on time. I told her that if he was "too involved" in something (usually a video game)to get her home on time, she was expected to call home & get picked up by us. She never called (too embarassing)and only accumulated late time 2 or 3 times (always 'his fault'). Boy, were we as parents glad to see her dump that guy!
She's 20 yrs old now, dating a very nice 21 yr old & they're both in college. Although she no longer has curfew, we expect her home at a reasonable hour (which she respects)and she is expected to keep in touch & let us know the general who, what, where & when of her activities, which she follows sometimes grudgingly. I tell her I trust her & her boyfriend, know that she can take care of herself, etc. but there are others out there not as trustworthy. If something should happen I want to know where to tell the police to start looking. That usually turns her around.
Good Luck & hang in there! At the moment she may not show it, but they DO love us; it's just hard for them to admit it at times.