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Home : 2003 : October : 23
1st- do not budge an inch. If you tell them to do something, you are TELLING them, not ASKING them. Do not accept no as an answer. If they continue to say no to you, up the consequences. If they say no to an assignment, add something "painful" on top of it - make it longer, make an additional requirement, make them present it to the class. And require an apology (either written or verbal in front of the class). 2nd- find punishments that work. Be as creative as you can be, and let the punishment fit the crime. 3rd- be willing to wait, even if it takes ALL DAY. this is where you'll get the rest of the class to add some peer pressure. tell the class who you are waiting for and what behavior you want to see before you will continue. if it interrupts a lesson, start the lesson/discussion/etc. again, and don't forget to thank that student, and mention that now the lesson will probably run over into the fun art project (or recess or whatever else they like) that was planned. 4th- keep working on the mom's. sometimes they get so annoyed with having to deal with you that they spring into action. (other times they start to hate you, so try to read your situation) 5th- do not accept disrespect or bullying. if I had a student say "my mom is going to get a lawyer", "my mom is going to..." I would say something like, "I would love to speak to your mom about your behavior. Why don't you invite her to class?" For some reason, these types of students always seemed to think I would be scared by the mention of their moms. That kind of talk stopped when they realized I wasn't. If they are name-calling, you have to be firm, treat it like a big deal, and refuse to accept it. Again, some kind of apology is necessary. Last- find a way to love these kids and learn about them. if they are acting this way, it's a sign that for whatever reason they need you. show them unconditional respect and love. show them that no matter how ugly they may act towards you, you will still work with them, teach them, forgive them, but don't just overlook misbehavior. I read a book once, and I can't remember the name of it, but it was excellent - I'll try to find it - and this reminds me of part of that book. It said that there are 3 types of "voices" we talk with: the "parent" voice, the "adult" voice, and the "child" voice. The parent voice is more authoritative, controlling, demanding, etc. The adult voice communicates using reason, cooperation, etc. The child voice is more needy, whiny. Anyway, the author said that if children are raised in situations where they assume the role of an adult (looking after younger siblings or even adults, taking care of themselves), they develop a parent voice and a shallow version of the adult voice. If you speak to these types of kids using a parent voice, it automatically brings a wall up for them, because internally they feel talked down to and unappreciated because they realize the responsibility they have in other settings. It is ok, even as a teacher, to modify to an adult voice with these kids. It's easy to use a parent-style voice when we are teaching, but it may help to talk with these two girls with more of an adult tone - that you expect them to be able to reason with you and communicate with you respectfully and in a "grown up" way. I did this with some of my 1st and 2nd graders, even, who were 7 and basically taking care of their baby siblings. It really helped create situations where those kids felt like I wanted to know what they had to say - which helped a lot.
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