Some thoughts on phrasing

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Home : 2003 : July : 13

Some thoughts on phrasing
By Interested bystander

Has anyone in this thread read, "Love and Logic?" In it, Funk and Fay talk about putting the onus for behavior on the child (which is where I think we all agree it should be).

There was always something about the "I
like's" that bothered me, and I couldn't figure out what it was till I read this book. When a teacher says, "I like the way Justin is sitting up straight and tall," the TEACHER is still owning the behavior. Justin is out to win the teacher's favor, just as surely as he may be out to get that sticker or Skittle. We need to put the onus on the child by saying YOU. Here are some phrases:
"Justin,

you certainly are able to get started quickly."

"Justin, your homework practice really paid off in that 'A'."

"Justin, you're always on time."

"Justin, you are working very hard at sitting up straight and tall."

The difference is subtle, but KEY; always linking effort with result. Do you want them to do the right thing because YOU think it's right, or would you rather they do the right thing because THEY think it's right? Otherwise when the teacher's not there, there's no one around to please. Or you get the type of kid who could give two shakes what you think and they'll never work for "I like's." Worse, the kids who do receive "I like's" become "pets" and teased or bullied.

Some thoughts.