LONG!!: Taking it personally-something we teacher have to learn not to do.

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LONG!!: Taking it personally-something we teacher have to learn not to do.
By Ann

It is hard not to take this kind of nonsense personally. Teaching is not just a job. We put all of ourselves into it. When parents berate us in the manner you are describing, it makes us doubt ourselves. It's no wonder
so many new teachers are bailing after only a few years in the classroom. People like this make us feel worthless (among all of the other issue surrounding education today).
My general feeling is that parents who act like this do so for a number of possible reasons:
1. they are unhappy with their own lives and need someone to attack to make themselves feel better
2. they doubt

their own amities as a parent

3. they had negative experiences in school as a child and are trying to find a sense of power over these lingering issues

4. they don't view teachers as real people with feelings - we are just part of a system, one that unfortunately fails many people because of so many issues. Teachers are the ones that are trying to better the system, but we have so many factors working against us, including these negative parents. It becomes a never ending cycle that benefits no one and harms many.

There are so many issues that contribute to parent attacks. They just don't realize that by attacking the teacher, they add so much more stress to an already overwhelming job, and decrease the chances of their child receiving the proper education he or she needs.

I am in my fifth year teaching, and from the beginning learned very quickly that there are just some people that can never be happy, no matter how you bend over backwards, forwards, or even sideways to please them. Try not to let them get to you, even though that is so much easier said than done. I have had so many unhappy parents in my relatively few years of service.

My attacks have ranged from me not being challenging enough, not addressing social needs, and targeting minorities for retention or referrals. I can’t win. On the other side, I have some wonderful parents that give me positive feedback and praise me for helping their child learn to love school.

My first year was horrible. I even had a parent take over at back to school night, trying to rally other parents to turn against me. Other talked about me constantly on the playground and even at the bus stop. Fortunately, I made a few allies who stuck up for me.

My second year teaching, I won Teacher of the Year Award for my district. What a change. Lot of parents request me now. The ones that caused the most trouble ending up leaving the school a few years later.
However, although I am popular and requested now, I still have problem parents. I had a lady actually throw her pocketbook at me during a conference where I suggested retaining her son. I have many parents stand me up for conferences when I have gone out of my way to accommodate their work schedules.

I no longer cater to parents in the slightest (I am tenured now…boosted my confidence in this area). I teach their child, they can alter their work schedule to fit in with my contracted hours. I don’t cave to ridiculous requests, and I refuse to meet with hostile parents without administration present. You have to have confidence in your teaching ability and nerves of steel to survive in this profession. Never apologize for sticking to your guns on certain non-negotiable issues!

Good luck. Parents like this can drive one to drink (or antidepressants-I now have an ongoing prescription for valium-an idea for stress if I do say so myself!). Hang in there. You did nothing wrong. Everyone is entitled to make mistakes!

Sorry this is so long, I tend to go off on tangents with issue like this that I have become passionate about. We don’t get paid or respected nearly enough for what we go through. I think I have another couple of years left before I switch to the private sector!