Barbara

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Home : 2003 : January : 3

Barbara
By Peg

Hi Hilary. I have been teaching for quite a while, and unfortunately, I've dealt with the death of parents and siblings with several children. It is never easy. This year I have two students whose brothers died last year.
(one was a suicide, the other a long-term illness)They are very sensitive, and their behavior varies (these are fifth graders). Sometimes they talk as if their brothers are still alive, sometimes they cry, and sometimes they display very needy behavior. I just go with the flow. They have time with the school guidance counselor, they are both in counseling outside, they talk to me sometimes,

and they talk to each other sometimes, too. I am careful to communicate frequently with their parents any changes or concerns. Several years ago, one of the boys in my class suffered the death of his eighteen year-old sister (car crash). He was already a strange kid, so he became really bizarre afterward.
As far as parents go, I have had a girl whose dad died of a heart attack, and a boy whose mom died in a car crash.(Both students were fourth graders.) Their parents deaths were extremely traumatic for these children, and a shock to the whole school community. They and their siblings all reacted differently...sullen, withdrawn behavior, tears, angry outbursts. So many things can affect them...who they were to begin with, the support they have, the age they are at the time of the death.
Just do your best to be responsive to Barbara's needs. She will need a ton of support for a long time. Good luck. I think you will do a good job because you are already thinking a lot about how to help her. Sometimes caring is all that is needed.