Open Foot ,Insert Mouth

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Home : 2002 : October : 31

Open Foot ,Insert Mouth
By teachingranny

I had a similiar experience happen to me once. only I overheard it as she thought that I was on recess duty and was speaking with another teacher very near my door I just stepped into the hall and said,'Mrs.____would it
be okay if you just step into my room and see if we can't clear the air about your complaint?" Well, needless to say, she turned beet red and just stammered..... " I am so sorry you heard that. It was very unprofessional of me.Open, foot insert mouth. I am so embarrassed!" To which I replied,"Aw,we all have our bad days. Let's talk about it,though, because I had no idea that you were

irritated by that.. " She walked into my room with far less bluster than when speaking with the other teacher. I spoke gently to her that if there is a problem between us, it should remain that...just our misunderstanding. I told her that I valued her feelings and I asked her to tell me why she felt the way she did. She explained, and though I felt it was juvenile and very petty, we came to a compromise. I asked her in the future to talk it out with me rather than go to others. It was awkward for a few days, but then things went back to normal.

I would suggest you do what a friend of mine once did when she felt we needed atalk. She entered my room with a bar of candy in each hand. "Pick one", she said , grinning. "We need to talk and keep it as sweet as this candy.(She was smiling and kept a kind friendly look on her face.(This , the Bible says,heaps coals of fire!:>) ) I'm feeling a little hurt because I heard you felt that _____________ and I wish you would have come to me. I know we could have hashed it out. What can we do to understand each other better? I hate to bring it up, because I don't want to make you uncomfortable ,but it would be easier on both of us if I knew what you were feeling that would make you feel so frustrated.....frustrated enough to say that."

I was so floored.What I said was not what she was told by another. Actually, I was hurt that she would believe that I even thought that, let alone would say it to another co worker.But I thanked her for telling me, so that we could clear up the misunderstanding. After I explained, she changed the subject to alesson we were jointly planning. I was grateful that the tension I had felt between us was now clear to me. I was grateful that we could move on. ( But...if I HAD said that, can you see how my co worker opened up to communicate in a non critical way? It would have given me the oportunity to apologize and come to some kind of understanding.)

You know, you don't know unless you ask whether your coworker really said that. And if she did, it may not have been said in quite the same way as some "helpful" person relayed it to you.

That is just my "take" on it. Good luck!