I AM SO SORRY!

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Home : 2002 : August : 13

I AM SO SORRY!
By Tricia

I am so sorry! It is so unfair! I talked to my mom this evening and she said how angry she is at God over all this and it just broke my heart! I begged her not to blame God but she said it's hard. This whole thing is
affecting my whole family and I feel helpless to stop it! I hit the desperate spot and quit Sylvan to focus on subbing in the hope it would help. I was desperate! Well it didn't do any good. Yes, I did get the interim in L.... County but didn't know it was an interim until I got my first check! They really rushed me through signing that contract and I didn't catch the "I" word. Oh

well. I still walked away from that job positive that I had done a fabulous job and she would hire me back. Everyone was sure she would hire me back! Was I wrong or what? I do know that I won't sub anymore! As far as a short interim? It would depend! A full year interim would be terrific! My husband is getting a severancee package when he leaves his job in a few weeks and he has beggd me to not worry about it and let him take care of me until something comes my way. I am trying to relax and have even taken to reading my bible more! And my home will be decluttered ultra organized! I've had it with clutter! I also plan on digging into a new hobby! Online scrapbooking! Kinda! My goal is to burn them onto a CD to view on my DVD player! And online of course for my family and friends! I've done one page so far and know it's not WOW but I like it! I've scanned ALL of my parents family pics, my great aunts pics, and both my grandparents pics and will spend time organizing them and then burn them to a CD in a slideshow type format! I've reached a point where I just refuse to worry or cry (maybe a little)over this situation anymore and enjoy the time with my family and just have faith that all will work out! My son, our only child, turned 18 the other day! He is my life and yet through all this mess I've not been there like I should. No more! We turned our bedroom into a computer room, we have the HP we bought in 2000 and my son's first from scratch computer that he built with Christmas money last year! His is awsome! We bought him a TV Tuner for it, for his birthday, and my parents bought him a DVD player! We are hoping to build a third computer next month, if it doesn't cost too much, so that all three of us can hang out in here and share a hobby together! Family and friends don't even bother knocking on the front door because they know we can't hear them so they come along to the side of the house and pound on that door! I tend to go on and I'm sorry! What I'm trying to say is please enjoy your family and look at the time home as a gift! Go back to work on your Master's and learn to love yourself and life again! PLEASE! I am! I'm 41 years old and am really feeling the press of age and time but will look for the good in it all! And I refuse to hang my head another day! I will hold my head up high and respond to all that I am enjoying my family and when the right job comes around then I will take it then because I refuse to settle just to get my foot in the door! There are a lot of teachers that got jobs BUT did they get the level and environment they wanted or did they settle? As for those student loans? According to the court those debts no longer exist and I will probably have to slap them with contempt of court charges. They had six months to send a letter to the court stating that they feel I should have to honor my debt to them. No letter and no attorney. My bankruptcy was discharged and those debts no longer exist. The student loan people say one cannot file on them or even the IRS. Well don't buy that trick because my parents had to file on the IRS after dad's bookkeeper took deductions that weren't legal and then dad had multiple heart attacks and couldn't work anymore. They filed, went to the hearing of the creditors, like we did, and no one showed up. Debt gone, case closed! A court clerk told me it looks like they are trying to trick me into agreeing to pay. When I went to Nashville to file the papers there were two attorneys in front of me complaining that 98% of student loans filed on are discharged. They represent several of the banks student loans. They are at the courthouse daily! I'm going to have to get ugly and I dread it but now that I'm going to be home for a while I guess I can take care of it. I did all my own paperwork for the bankruptcy and the judge was very impressed! The only question he asked was who really did my papers and so I had to explain how I figured it out. Well, anyhow, please don't let them beat you down! I refuse to play this game anymore and will continue to apply for openings that are in the area I want to work with until something comes up! Good luck and please keep in touch! This board has helped me so much with the emotions I've experienced over the last few weeks!