talking about homosexuality (Long!)

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Home : 2002 : June : 18

talking about homosexuality (Long!)
By Heidi

J.J.--I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone. I, too, am a gay woman in teaching.

Last year, I taught sixth grade in a Catholic school. I was comfortable addressing situations where my students used negative
terms such as, "that's so gay", but would never have touched the subject any further in that particular situation. I think the mistake you made (the one that got the administrator on your butt) was in admitting you, personally, were gay. I don't think that saying objectively that gay people have the same affection for their partners as straight people do would have been a problem in

most places, but you never know...it's such a touchy issue. I don't believe that I would ever dare tell my students I was gay, especially in the very conservative community I live in. I don't really feel it is something the kids need to know about me, anyway.

Still, I struggle every day with being gay in the schools. I don't think straight people always realize how difficult it is--everyone agrees that teachers shouldn't share their personal lives with their students--but at the same time, straight folks can have pictures of their significant others on their desks, talk about their families, etc. Sometimes I just feel so...stifled. It makes me angry, sometimes. I am not normally a secretive person and I have never made a mystery out of my sexuality. It bothers me that after some time of being "out" that I seem to have to closet myself in my workplace. I am currently seeking a new teaching job, and I hope that it will be in a place where I will be able to be comfortable enough with my collegues to be able to tell them about myself and my partner, because I truly don't believe it's something I should be ashamed of.

Anyway--I did have a point to this ranting. One thing I would ask myself if I got asked a question about homosexuality (or about sexuality in general) is whether I needed to put my personal example into it. Was there a way you could have addressed the child's question without bringing your own sexuality into it? Or did the child ask you directly if you were gay? If that was the case, that's a whole different situation--and not one with an easy answer. After all, students should not be asking such personal questions, but once they ask it, you're stuck. You shouldn't have to lie--but telling the truth can get you into such a mess. I suppose that not answering the question would be my way of handling it.

I also wanted to direct you (and anyone else, gay straight, or otherwise who is interested) to a couple resources. First of all, there is a great video called "It's Elementary" made for educators that is about how to talk about homosexuality in elementary schools. It may seem unrealistic to many people, but with so many gay men and lesbians having or adopting children these days, it is quite possible that a student in your class may have gay parents, not to mention all those who have gay cousins, aunts, uncles, etc. They should not have to feel that they cannot talk about these loved ones in school or be made to think they are "bad".

Another resource that is excellent is a group called the Gay, Lesbian, Straight Education Network (GLSEN). It is an organization devoted to making schools safer for gay staff and children. They have some great teaching materials and advice on starting gay/straight alliances in middle and high schools. Their website www.glsen.org is a great place to start.

I don't know if I've helped you at all, J.J., but know that you are not alone out there.