Getting Respect, Compliments

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Home : 2001 : November : 15

Getting Respect, Compliments
By G.M.

This board gives comfort to a lot of teachers, particularly those who are overwhelmed to the max! There is a lot of truth in the adage: Misery loves company. Venting is good to a certain point, then one must take action
to alleviate the problem(s). If one doesn't, he or she is often looked upon in the same way as the boy who cried wolf.
As usual, I agree with Cathy-Dee in that change begins with the individual. Therefore, teachers must learn to respect themselves. That is, praise yourself, say NO when you know that you should, acknowledge your accomplisments (big & small), set REALISTIC expectations

for your yourself, etc, etc. Moreover, take steps that will help you to recover from the "disease to please."

If you are female AND a teacher, you are highly likely to suffer from this disease. But don't feel discouraged, recovery is possible! You first have to become aware that you have the disease, that your intention is to please everyone else (to heck with you). We all know that pleasing everyone else is impossible, but so many of us do. Anyway. . .

From day one, we were programmed to look for approval "outside" of ourselves. Remember what a thrill it was when Mom, Dad, or any significant person in our life would say: "What a GREAT job!" and we knew they really meant it? Unfortunately, we hear less and less of such praises as we age. By the time we are adults, everyone thinks we should know if we did something well or not, so why mention it? We were taught that to acknowledge our own qualitites and accomplishments was wrong. (Don't be big-headed!) So we seek approval from everyone else. But you know what?! Everyone else is too darn busy doing the same! Or they are so insecure, that they would rather die than pay someone a compliment. Or they don't pay compliments because it's uncommon and we feel really uncomfortable doing so.
So perhaps today you can start paying compliments to yourself and to others. Be a "Good Finder."
(And I am not taking about becoming Miss Polly Anna or a goody-two shoes, either. I'm also not taking about standing on roof tops shouting how great we are, either ;-)

One more thing, then I will close: teachers are not alone when it comes to lack of respect. There are numerous jobs where respect, praise, etc. is highly lacking. My husband is a good example: The more he does at work, the more that is expected of him. He receives no recognition for jobs well done. He is only recognized when there is room for improvement. He has learned that he has to do that himself.

So in short, if you want respect, you have to start resepcting yourself. You might say you already do; I did too. That is until I took a real hard look at my actions. I discovered that many times I was my own worse enemy. I am in the process of changing that. You know the song that goes "Let their be peace on Earth...... and let it begin with me?" Same goes for respect.

Let's all be good to ourselves. And as Cathy-Dee suggested: give a few compliments to fellow teachers.

Cheers! G.M.