Lack of Support

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Home : 2001 : April : 19

Lack of Support
By Anita

I thought it was only me!

There were no jobs when I graduated in 1996 so I moved to England to teach instead of playing the supply teaching kiss-up game. My school was very small, with only 7 classes. I arrived after major
structural work and to a classroom in boxes. I was keen, eager, and enthusiastic. I was also the youngest by 20 years, newly qualified, and Canadian - 3 strikes. It was difficult, but I only realize how tough now. I was given the curriculum and expected to teach, with no mentor, and no colleagues my age. I survived.
My second year resulted in a new "hot shot" principal who had only

being teaching 6 years prior to becoming the boss. I found it hard to respect him given his lack of experience. I was 25 but had worked with children in camps, Sunday school, volunteering, etc. since I was 13. I got his sticky notes and condescending tone "well done". I had a very tough class who were too chatty, too excitable, and with too many characters. Major personality clashes, behavioural problems, and 11 special needs children made a most memorable bunch whom I loved dearly. The principal would get the kids so hyper in morning assembly and I was expected to peel them off the ceiling. He started cracking the whip to get us ready for an intense government inspection.

All the teachers would inquire how my weekends were. I didn't know anybody and none of them invited me anywhere, regardless of how friendly they were. In the third month of my second year teaching, a special needs coordinator who travelled from school to school pointed out that I needed to interact with other teachers my age and introduced me to a few. What a breath of fresh air! I just wished they were in my school. One is still my closest friend.

The stress, pressure, and intense workload kept mounting up. Nothing ever felt accomplished. I constantly received negative responses from the other "motherly" teachers about my enthusiastic ideas: "the trouble is when you..." "I wouldn't do that" "I did that years ago but...." and "When I was your age I was out dancing every night" when I was trying to meet the principal's demands. I always felt like a failure when I'd go into their rooms to chat. They would pop their heads in to say goodnight at 4pm but none would actually enter my classroom to see what I was doing, ask about my lessons, or comment on my display boards. I didn't go on any courses or to conferences. I started becoming more and more rundown and caught every bug going around. I was getting frazzled, listless, resentful, and frustrated. I was working all these hours, yet I was only being paid as much as office workers who worked 9-5 and had a life out of school. I ended up being off sick for awhile to cope with all the stress from burnout. Then we had the dreaded government inspection, in which the good teachers work harder to prepare and the others do their bit to make a good impression. I worked very hard and survived, even though the demeaning inspection graded you on satisfactory or unsatisfactory - no pat on the back or good work! I had already given in my notice and decided to take a break from teaching, to my parents' relief.

The new principal had previously decided I needed to complete a program to determine if my qualifications met English standards. This was humiliating. I had always worked with children, got accepted to all 3 teaching programs I applied to when others applied unsuccessfully year after year, got glowing teaching reports and recommendations, and graduated with highest honours. My impression is that they should only be evaluating me on my knowledge of the English curriculum and law. No, it was the lot. They wanted a full portfolio! The assessor came in July, 3 weeks before school was due to end. I was so exhausted and had lost my love to teach. I told her to look through my files for herself. She said I needed to show her a lesson in topic math, and to put effort into my plans. Fine. I showed her! She said she's evaluated over 300 teachers and has never seen anybody like me before, and not to stay out of teaching for long. I said through gritted teeth and tears, it's too late.

2 and 1/2 years later, I moved home in December, still with no desire to teach - not until the bitterness has gone. After seeing there are now more jobs, younger teachers, and having my best friend at the New Year's party telling me I should go back into teaching because I'm too talented to be out of it, I decided for myself, yes, now's the time. I got my papers together and applied to the board. It was a very surreal experience since I was reading references about a person I had forgotten existed. My confidence was shot but slowly mending.

I started a maternity cover in the end of January, a job I think is due to fate or someone looking over me. I am in a large, friendly school and am 1 of 3 grade 5 teachers. I am no longer alone. I team teach with my colleague, who is already a good friend. It is not the academic or curriculum areas I needed help with, I needed the moral and social support. I missed the fun! I missed the laughs, shared frustrations, and on-going emotional support. We plan together which means shared and lessened work. When I left teaching I adopted the philosophy, "Work to live, not live to work" and now live by it. We all look out for each other and make sure we take care of ourselves. A rested happy person is a better teacher.

Even though I had some tough times in England, it was the best personal and professional experience. It was incredibly character building and I am constantly realizing the skills I developed. I have regained my love of teaching and have forgiven myself for leaving. Now I just hope the board will hire me permanently for September!