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Home : 2001 : September : 16
Yes, I experienced almost the exact reaction from my husband. I can definitely relate!!!!!!! I commend your husband for coming in to see what you do. This shows that he is trying to understand. I don't think
Because in that time, you will have learned the ropes. My advice to your husband is to be secure within himself. You are not working long hours to avoid him or household duties. He will have to pitch in more. And there will be times, maybe A LOT of the time, he will have to do the majority of the household work for a while. But it won't be forever. I don't know if you are a frequent participant of this board. Therefore, I don't know if you are aware of my background. So, I will briefly share. I obtained my first teaching job last year. I resigned 5 months later. In part, I blamed my decision on pressure from my husband. He, too, kept telling me he felt neglected - second fiddle - He often asked me what I could possible be doing at school for so long. He bought a motor home two weeks after I began teaching. He kept pressuring me to go away for the weekends. Once, (I'll never forget this day) we were sitting at the kitchen table. I was correcting mounds of papers; he was reading the newspaper. He looked up at me and asked me what was my salary. He then walked over to the calculator, did some figuring, and said: "You'd be better off flipping burgers at McDonald's." Only teachers would understand what a jab to the heart that was. Anyway . . . Despite his feelings about me earning the "big bucks," he did all the grocery shopping, cooking, and kitchen cleanup (mostly because he really enjoys eating & hates fast foods.) He also did his own laundry. He never quite figured out how the vacuum cleaner worked, however. He already had experience with the dishwasher - thank goodness! As far as the yardwork, he hired a gardner (I used to do all the yearwork prior to working). He NOW realizes that he should have been more understanding. He NOW realizes that I did NOT stay at school because I would rather be there, then with him. How did he come to these realizations? Ever since I resigned, I have read this board just about everyday. I have read many posts similar to yours. When I see such posts, I print them and share them with my husband. This has helped a great deal. I WILL get another teaching job in the near future. I have gained much strength & understanding from my mistake (resigning). I will not allow others to make me feel guilty for spending the time needed to learn the ropes. I now accept this fact: Others (those who do not teach) will not understand the hours you must put in as a teacher. required of teachers. Teach anyway.......spend the hours necessary to do so. At the moment, I feel very frustrated, because I feel I am not helping you. I hope others on this board will come to your call of help. I am sure they will. There are a few on this board that offer very good advice on balancing your prof/personal life. My advice is TAKE THEIR ADVICE. As a beginning teacher, you will work more hours than you want to; however, you have to take time out for yourself and time with your husband. The time you allot will not be what you and your husband desire, however. You both need to realize what new teachers are told almost daily: IT WILL GET BETTER! I wish I would have stuck to it to experience this phase of beginning teaching. I hope that I have helped in some small way. Hang in there! You will find a way. Sincerely, G.M.
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