This is tough to talk about, race issues

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Home : 2008 : April : 1

This is tough to talk about, race issues
By anonybronx

I don't want to scare you... read my post and know this was ME and will not be your story. I wish you the best and hope that you learn all you can from your experience.

I was in your boat a number of years ago.
I had just finished my cert program, and my city was cutting ALL new teachers and a ton of jobs. I decided to move to NYC, and I got a job in the South Bronx.

The kids' stories will be heart breaking and it is definitely a different world. I heard stories of friends in their building being shot, of not being allowed to look or stand by their windows, of family members ODing, of

the kids themselves being hauled off on stretchers to the mental hospital... I saw neglected kids who washed their own clothes in the bath tub, whose parents were crack heads, prostitutes, gang members...there were kids who were being physically abused (broken bone after broken bone) whose teeth were rotting out, who suffered from migraines and asthma and one student who I am convinced was an absolute socio-path and hurt other people at will, laughing and saying he'd do it again... these children need good teachers who care for them! I taught fourth grade. My students ranged from 9-12 years old, as not passing the ELA will keep a student retained.

I saw a few white teachers doing a good job... but there is a lot of pent up anger (generational) about white teachers, as less than 50 years ago african american teachers could not even get a job in their own neighborhood. I should have kept to myself more with the other teachers. I had a VERY difficult time gaining the respect of the children, as well as with one of my co-teachers. I had kids tell me they hated white people. I worked with a white teacher who told the kids he was puerto rican so he could gain their respect. they never caught on that Rosenstein is definitely not a latino name! I also saw an Asian teacher having a very difficult time with the kids. Every time he walked past the kids would cry out "chong, chong, ching, chong" It was difficult to explain to them how that was just as racist as someone calling them a ni--er. They would laugh at such a comparison... perhaps to them it is not true. Maybe it's not true at all... anyway, they had a hard time seeing that. That particular teacher quit before the year was up. Another white teacher was put in the holding room place (where teachers go to wait for their file to be reviewed) because he swore at the kids in anger one day. I'll admit, I threw a pencil across the room one day I was so mad at them. A friend of mine who taught where I teach now actually flipped over a desk... teachers who never would raise their voice found themselves screaming. I lost my voice. I NEVER scream now... thank goodness.

I was in a position where I taught in two classrooms as an ELA and test prep teacher. I was always one of at least two teachers in a classroom. So our ratio was 9-1. One classroom had 18 kids, 14 of whom were hispanic, and the other had 18 kids, 16 of whom were african american. I never did gain control of the second class all year. My first classroom was well behaved and needed very little management. During the time I was in there, an ESL teacher was also in the room, so there were three teachers present. My second class has fist fights daily, yelled, screamed, threw things, flashed gang signs, talked about having sex (4th grade) and all sorts of things. In that classroom a boy attempted to commit suicide by jumping out the window. He didn't make it out before I pulled him to the floor.

Part of the issue is that the hispanic immigrants do not have the history that the african american population has with white people. I could tell there was a lot of anger. at parent night I introduced myself to a parent and she said to her child, "I thought you had a black teacher?" and he said "I have two teachers. One is black." and they walked away without saying another word to me and spent the rest of parent night talking to my co-teacher, who was african american. That is humbling.

You will learn a lot from this experience. I hate to say it, but I didn't last long. I ended up not being asked back and was set up for a transfer. The principal didn't like me at all. This was a school with 100 teachers, and only 15 were white... I heard from many of those teachers that she only kept white teachers on to fill a quota and fired most of them every year. Before the end of the year I had been hired back at my home town in, believe it or not, the irony here is great... the private school I attended, in yes, a very affluent town. It is almost sick! It feels very wrong.... I signed out from my regular name because this feels like such a black mark on my past. I wish with all my heart that I had been able to make it work. I really do. I read all the Jonathan Kozal books, I read all the Herbert Kohl books. I went to an education program that specifically was focused on social justice. But I couldn't hack it.

I now teach social justice in my mostly white and asian students. I teach my students to be responsible citizens. I try to teach them to use their privilege to help others. we discuss race, and our country's sad history so they will know how to use their white privilege to HELP people. My students are passionate about fairness and justice in their own sweet 9 year old ways. I hope I am instilling the change in them that we hope to see in this next generation, so that perhaps we can undo so many of the race problems we have created.

I really felt like I was a BAD teacher. I thought my career was over. Getting the job at the private school was going to be my last shot. At this school I have made a difference and am a well-respected and sought after teacher. parents tell me they hope their kids are in my class. I have managed to do a good job teaching and LOVE my job. I feel tremedous guilt about not working out in the inner city. I really had moved there planning on making a difference. We were told they need good teachers in the inner city... they do. I was not one of them. I didn't understand the issues well enough (despite all my multicultural education courses and social justice background.) I often wonder if I could do it again. I would go in firm, humble and no-nonsense. I would prove to the kids that my purpose was to teach them and get them to pass their test so they could become 5th graders. They really didn't care about much of anything else. And hardly even that... it's a fine line to walk... good luck.