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Home : 2007 : January : 27

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By JRichard

I agree with the noticing. That has worked well for me to imrpove my relationship with a student. Once you have done this several times over several weeks, try asking him to do something, "just for me." If you are building
a positive relationship with him, he will probably do it.

However, if he's having self-concept issues, you should try the attribution theory, which is where you point out something he did right and ask he how he did it. I made a poster that says "How did I do that? I tried hard. I studied. I am getting smarter." I ask them to pick one of the choices. When they vocalize one of those

choices, it bypasses their "affective filter" of their subconscious which keeps out all information that contradicts what they already "know" because it is THEM that is saying it, not us. Over time, he will start to see himself in a positive light, but it can take up to a month for every year they have thought negatively about themselves.

Regarding the "draining my energy," if you plan to have them do something to pay back the energy after school, or during recess, you should "enlist" the parent to help you. A really excellent CD of Fay's is "Quick and Easy Classroom Interventions." He roleplays a call to a parent in this sort of situation that is really helpful.

With this mom, I would talk to her, and try to explain the L&L philosophy succicently. "I am trying to teach my students how to be responsible for their behaviors in my classroom. When they cause a problem, I ask them to solve it. When they are adults, they will know how to solve their own problems without depending on their parents or others. One technique I use for behaviors that are distracting is "energy drain." I have to use some of my energy thinking about, or redirecting their behavior. Since there is often not a logical consequence to these behaviors, I ask them to repay my energy. This helps them see a connection between their actions and how they affect others. I hope you will support me in helping train your son for independence and responsibility."

Hang in there. L&L does not come easy, because it is not always natural, but I truly believe we are helping create responsible, independent adults when we use L&L.

Feel free to pm me, if you'd like to talk more. I also want to recommend again the L&L forum website. We have several counselors and L&L practioners on there.

Jenny