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Home : 2007 : Oct : 20
Regardless, I wanted to let it be known that it's not only administrators that get the mind-altering surgery. There are some educational professionals out there who must be getting it too even though they are still part of the local teachers' bargaining unit. These are the people who hold a position of power in the school, but are not in the classroom. They garner the same wages as the average teacher and face contract negotiations like the average teacher, but perform a job that can only be called pseudo-administrative. A quick list of those who must have had the Pseudo-Administrative Lobotomy: 1. Administrative Intern- They must have their lobotomy before they even start the job. Ever notice how they just aimlessly follow the principal around the first few days? It's creepy like Night of the Living Dead. 2. Special Education Case Managers- These people may be the only group who spontaneously give themselves the Pseudo-Administrative Lobotomy due to the constant barrage of complaints from principals. Combine that with the pressure they get from special education administrators, and their brains press the eject button. 3. School Psychologists- Isn't it interesting that a person who deals with emotion might lose some of their own? Have you ever met a school psychologist who wasn't a little off? My theory is that these people really don't get the lobotomy. Instead, district administrators show them data that says they got the lobotomy and they take it at face value. 4. Program Coordinators- These are the people in charge of the new program in the district (i.e. school-wide behavior, technology in the classroom, student support services etc.). Why do I think these people have had the Pseudo-Administrative Lobotomy? It's easy. These people usually have cafeteria and lunch recess duty. You'd have to have a lobotomy to consent to that detail. 5. Cafeteria Managers- I know what you're thinking! What? Cafeteria managers? How could they be suspect? Hey, anyone who makes plans to serve rock-hard waffles to the kids with only a "spork" to eat it with has had the surgery. No doubt in my mind. Want more proof? How about serving green beans with a peanut butter and jelly sandwich? My first thought on posting this was that I might offend someone. That may be a good thing now that I think of it though. If you are reading this and feel offended, it's your signal to change jobs. Feeling emotion is a sign that they haven't gotten to you yet. So, GET OUT, QUICK! It's only a matter of time before you are scheduled for an "educational conference" in Mexico.
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